The story of 42-year-old Nolida Silumbu is probably the best yardstick to measure how much of a problem a man – as part of the male folk – is. She says when rumour goes around that she has an extramarital affair, her husband beats her up.
One would think the husband knows the dangers of engaging in extramarital affairs in these days of the deadly HIV and Aids to the family. But nay! Hear this.
“When I hear reports that he engages in extramarital affairs and dare ask and advise him against the practice, he quickly turns on me as if he is not the person who does not want me to engage in extramarital affairs,” says the mother of eight.
“He beats me up the way he likes. I have just remained quiet because I don’t know where to complain. I never thought someone who beats me when he hears rumours of me getting involved in extramarital affairs would beat me when I present evidence of such conduct on his part.”
Brought into perspective, the story of this woman who comes from Nixon Munkhondya Village in T/A Mwenemisuku’s area in Chitipa would just be a drop in the ocean.
And one would quickly think that Nolida is facing such a situation because her husband paid something to her parents when he went into marriage with her – don’t forget that Chitipa follows patrilineal descent.
However, you need to think twice before arriving at the conclusion. Man is generally a problem when it comes to marital issues.
True to Nolida’s situation, a man will – to a large extent – always fight to be in the right. Do you remember Dowa’s Herbert Mankhwala who broke up with Marietta Samuel only to return and permanently maim her immediately he realised that she was going out with another man?
“Several researches have shown that man is most of the times the problem when it comes to perpetrating issues of domestic violence,” said First Grade Magistrate Julius Kalambo of the Chitipa Magistrate’s Court.
“Most of the issues brought to court involve man inflicting a number of problems on the woman. You can name them: assaults, involvement in extramarital affairs and economic problems.”
He says most of the times men leave their wives in economic turmoil only to return home and cause havoc if they don’t find things that would have only been availed had there been money to buy them.
But why does the situation unfold like this?
“Everything boils down to the ego. Men feel they should be the most authoritative, they feel they are the most intelligent and they feel they are superior to the women,” adds Kalambo.
“But we have women who are intelligent hence superior.”
Domestic violence is a problem many want to do away with. Locally, the Malawi Government designed the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act 2006 to guide in the fight against the vice. And courts have used the Act to hand stiffer punishments to offenders with the aim of deterring offenders in waiting.
The Act has also been used to help placate couples mired in problems revolving around the practice.
Internationally, the United Nations (UN) Millennium Summit held in September 2000 formulated the Millennium Development Goal (MDG) 3 which aims at promoting gender equality and empowering women.
With particular interest in eliminating gender disparities in primary and secondary education preferably by 2015, the goal looks at ratios of girls to boys in primary, secondary and tertiary education; share of women in wage employment in the non-agricultural sector; and proportion of seats held by women in national parliaments.
Generally, it is believed that if women were empowered whichever way, men would find it difficult to prove how much of a problem they are when it comes to such issues as domestic violence.
But in a country where illiteracy levels among women are staggering high, the best solution might not be in MDG 3 or in the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act. It should certainly be in the problem itself.
“We have generally believed that you have to send a thief if you want to catch a thief,” adds Kalambo.
“Equally, we can change the situation if we engaged men who have realised that domestic violence is evil to convince their fellow perpetrators of the problem who have not yet come out to appreciate that this is evil.”
Surely, the man who engages in extramarital affairs or assaults his wife or inflicts on the wife so many economic problems would be an excellent solution to such problems rather than the victim.
Currently, the Men for Gender Equality Now (Megen) have borne the yoke and launched a campaign to end problems of such nature to their fellow men. And positive results are already showing.
“The results are so encouraging. So many men are committed to ending gender based violence by targeting their fellow men,” says Assistant Commissioner of Police (ACP) responsible for operations in the northern region, Isaac Maluwa – also a member of Megen – in an interview.
“The perpetrators of domestic violence are men from our communities so the problem could easily be rooted out if they were targeted. Yes there are other men who are victims of gender based violence but to a larger extent men are the perpetrators.”
Nolida’s husband might be a problem to his wife now. But the solution to himself as a problem has not yet been exposed.
But it is simple: sit him down, talk to him on the dangers of domestic violence to his better half and he will stop the evil practices on his woman. In this case, isn’t man a problem that is a solution in itself?
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